Here’s Wendy’s post today on the North Winooski Neighborhood Forum, titled “Casseroles”…
My dad is nearing death. His breath is labored, he is heavily drugged to keep him out of pain. We sit with him not knowing if this is the last breath. My dad was diagnosed with ALS a year ago. He moved to Essex Ctr. first of August to live in my sister’s back yard. My mother, although she knew this disease is fatal, is just now realizing how true that is. We could argue which is better- for dad to have died from a heart attack or to suffer slowly, giving us time to say goodbye. There would be no right or wrong answers.
At one time in America, neighbors rallied with casseroles when a family suffered. Perhaps they knew too much of each other’s business. But they did draw in to let the family know that even if it was just baked macaroni and cheese, they were being thought of. My church will do this. But my mom? Well she and my sister’s family haven’t gotten to know the neighbors yet. And Mom hasn’t found a church here. My sister is in between churches. There are holes in our lives. How many of us today know our neighbor well enough to rejoice in the birth of a child, or death of a parent? How many of us have worked at not knowing our neighbor- so we could just mind our own business?
I’m not begging for casseroles. Just throwing out a little insight…
UPDATE: A response from the same neighborhood forum:
Dear Wendy – I am sorry to hear about your Dad, my father died last March 1st so I understand what your going through.
I also wanted to say amen to your comments on getting to know your neighbors. These things don’t seem to happen much at all these days, I was born and raised in central VT but moved away, I have lived in a few different states coming back to vt every now and then, almost 5 years ago I lived in IL and returned to VT last Jan. to Winooski. I have been here 9 months and I have found it more difficult ( not just here but other places I have lived) to meet the neighbors, it seems we are a busy people. with all these appliances to make our lives easier and simpler and to free up time it seems has produced the opposite effect.. Our work loads are heavy and our free time ( even time we should be setting aside for family) seems to be diminishing. I joined this group a few months ago and sent in a little introduction of myself to this group and got zero reply, no welcome ( other then the ” welcome bot”). I also started going to a church in Williston, the people are friendly but I have yet to make real friends, and that takes time, I have some phone numbers of people from there and have called them to chat about spiritual things, things going on in the church etc.
I have also introduced myself to my neighbors and greeted them as I go in and out to work or church or whatever. There does indeed seem to be little interest in getting to know one other.
We are a busy people, I would encourage you to take your mother and your sister by the hand and introduce them to your friends and your neighbors, take them to your church ( if you go and if you don’t offer to pick a church and go with them), Also, if you would like to meet a new neighbor, send me a private email and I will send you my phone number and we can get together some weekend afternoon and have coffee and get to know each other, and bring your mom and sister. That goes for anyone in this neighborhood forum.
It was nice talking to you via this forum 🙂
Nancy
Matthew Berk writes at LocalPoint today about a kind of neighborhood email list that serves him well…
I have been ardent subscribers to the “Queen Anne Moms” mailing list (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/QueenAnneMoms/). It’s a fantastic miscellany of questions and perspectives on everything local–including but not exclusive of parenting issues–everything from when to discontinue the binky, to which contractors do great work, to updates on area crime, all right in our in boxes every day.
He then steps through an example of using the list to find contractors, get news, seek advice, etc…
Now, this long-winded anecdote brings me to one of the often under emphasized elements of a great local experience online: connecting people who live in the same community and who share many of the same priorities, values, and needs.
Put another way, we could have addressed these same needs through completely different online channels, ranging from the Internet to local TV and radio… But in this case, by leveraging the list and our community, we not only solved for our immediate needs, but we connected with people in our neighborhood.
The valuable work of connecting neighbors is not merely the stuff of “social networking”, but is really about folding local data, information and content back on real people, living in the real world.
These connections, which can be fostered not only by email lists, are the basis for what Greg Sterling has recently argued (see “What People Don’t Get About Local“) is really the entire value proposition of the local space: the reach of the online into the fabric of the real, where we spend the great bulk of our time, money, and sentiment.
To succeed, every locally-oriented product needs to learn how to reach out in these ways and to forge connections online that have lasting effects in our offline lives. Baking these qualities into a product is a tough challenge, but then, so is being a great neighbor…
Well said. This is what Front Porch Forum is doing in spades in our pilot city.
Oh dear. From Belinda Goldsmith’s Reuters article yesterday…
The poll, released on Wednesday, found the use of cell phones and the Internet were becoming more and more an essential part of life with 48 percent of respondents agreeing they felt something important was missing without Internet access.
More than a quarter of respondents — or 28 percent — admitted spending less time socializing face-to-face with peers because of the amount of time they spend online.
It also found that 20 percent said they spend less time having sex because they are online.
Cell phones won out over television in a question asking which device people couldn’t go without but the Internet trumped all, regarded as the most necessary.
“It is taking away from offline activities, among them having sex, socializing face-to-face, watching TV and reading newspapers and magazines. It cuts into that share,” said Mack [Ann Mack of JWT who conducted the survey].
This is just the kind of thing Front Porch Forum is designed to counter. FPF members frequently report spending MORE face-to-face time with neighbors because of the service. FPF is an odd dot.com in that we want our members to shut down the computer and go outside. FPF postings are seeds planted in communities (real, not virtual). The harvest from this planting is usually offline, on the sidewalk, over the back fence, on the front porch.
MediaVidea offers an interesting take on social networking sites today…
Recent research done in England suggests that the number of close friends you have is mostly a result of your face-to-face interactions in the real world.
Researchers at the Sheffield Hallam University say that your online friendships on social networking sites such as Orkut, Facebook, Myspace, Hi5 and others are ‘shallow’ in nature.
Researchers got more than 200 people to fill in questionnaires and found that most of respondents had around 5 close friends and many (90%) said their close friends were results of face-to-face meetings.
So, it seems that soliciting and clicking friend request on social sites is nothing but an ego trip.
He also writes about the difference between online tools, networks and communities.
There has a been a lot of debate online about communities and networks and many, including startups riding the web 2.0 wave have run into the habit of claiming that their startup is a community. VCs are also prone to this community fever.
So, it is important to note what Joshua Schachter of del.icio.us said about the pioneering social bookmarking site, a site that I think has more value than social news sites such as Digg, for great archival and research uses.
Joshua has said, Del.icio.us is a tool, not a community.’
This is very important. Most online services are first tools and the community of people who got together while using the service, comes later on.
Joshua Porter of Bokardo advocates a focus on ‘personal value over anything else’.
Differencing between communities and networks, Chloe Stromberg from Forrester Research says that ‘while communities are bound by emotion and passion, networks are simply communication links between people who have something in common.’
Interesting to mull over. I think Front Porch Forum is used as a tool by some (receive and spread information), a network for others (e.g., need 20 people to sign a petition to get a stop sign installed), and a community of neighbors for most. Many report that their FPF neighborhood forum has helped created a neighborhood environment where they can more easily establish and maintain genuine friendships.
Did you know that September 16, 2007 is National Neighborhood Day? I had an interesting discussion with the founder of this effort the other day, Lorne Adrain.
MISSION
National Neighborhood Day inspires, builds, and sustains the neighborhood relationships that provide the foundation for civic action and the building of stronger, more caring and effective communities.VISION
National Neighborhood Day was established as an annual day to recognize and reinforce the relationships that are the fabric of our communities. It is a day of simple gatherings of neighbors to re-kindle friendships; welcome new neighbors; catch up on each others’ families, interests and needs; and share food, fellowship and fun.The ties that unite a neighborhood help us better tackle and enjoy the myriad of challenges and opportunities we face. The simple goal of National Neighborhood Day is to bring neighbors together and to help enhance neighborhood connections. Neighbors knowing neighbors improves neighborhood connections; connected neighborhoods lead to more effective communities; effective communities strengthen our nation as a whole. This ripple effect from our own neighborhoods to the larger world outside is what Neighborhood Day promotes.
So do something to celebrate and enhance your neighborhood on September 16. If you live in our service area, use Front Porch Forum to organize things.
Ghost of Midnight is an online journal about fostering community within neighborhoods, with a special focus on Front Porch Forum (FPF). My wife, Valerie, and I founded FPF in 2006... read more