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Category Archives: Humor

Cultivating community through marshmallows

Front Porch Forum members expressed such creativity with our simple contest!  Here are a few more:

“Thanks for all the egg carton drop offs. We should be all set for awhile, but will post again when we run low. The response from neighbors makes my heart turn to marshmallow.” • Susan at Starksboro’s Food Shelf

“Hello, I’ve had a neurological condition that affects my ability to move and use my hands for a long time. I recently also had a spinal cord injury that I’m still in the process of recovering and rehabbing from. I was wondering if anyone knows of a support group locally for people dealing with these issues. The logistical and emotional issues surrounding this are so exhausting that I just want to sink into a large puffy marshmallow sometimes, so any emotional or psychological support groups would be really helpful.”  • Nicholas in Guilford

MARSHMALLOWS here, MARSHMALLOWS there; where e’re my eyes would land.
Reading Front Porch Forum has never seemed too bland.
FPF connected me to one I used to know.
She spoke of kiddos planting MARSHMALLOWS in the snow.

Thank you Front Porch Forum. This has been great fun!  • Wanda in Morrisville

“I live in an apartment with a wonderful pellet stove. Little did I realize that it would be so hard to get the pellets to the stove! Is there anyone out there with a truck, a strong back, and a willingness to help me out? Actually a few people would be great. The 50 40 lb bags of pellets need to be carried across the yard and up the stairs. All who help are welcome to hot chocolate with marshmallows and homemade cookies after. We can sit around the fire in the pellet stove and enjoy each others company.” • Victoria in Brattleboro

“Mom was done with her assisted living apartment (by way of moving into a Pearly Gates community) and we needed to clean out her refrigerator along with everything else. There was a little of this and a little of that, often repackaged, as was her way. But not the bag of Mini-Marshmallows. Nope, they were still sealed up. I like a fresh, soft marshmallow as much as the next guy. It’s just that, well, these were more like the hard mints you grab on the way out of a restaurant. Lethal weapons as ammo in a blowgun. Even a gecko wouldn’t have been able to toast them. Ma, I’m going to miss you and all those little idiosyncrasies that were so entertaining.” Ron in Alburgh

“If you have any spare marshmallows, please let me know. Seriously, what’s more fun than getting to know your neighbors, through community events, bartering, lending a helping hand, from your actual front porch or, more easily in winter weather, on Front Porch Forum?”  • Thomas in Windsor

 


Blockchain, bitcoin, stormy dangles, yada yada

Everyday items are bought and sold on FPF.  Some of our members do it with humor:

“I have a table. I have run out of places to put it. You need a table. Or maybe you would if you got rid of that piece of crap you are using for one now and took mine! Plywood and blocks are OK for a college student, but at your age, you should move up to real wood. Old wood. Wood made before Hawaii was a state. Before plastics were invented. Wood. Oak, in fact. Such oaky goodness like you never see anymore. The kind that will make you want to wake up in the morning just to go sit in front of it, but please, use a coaster? I am dropping the price. I will deliver it. And I’ll carry off your plywood and cinderblock thing. Email me, but be fast. The last stuff I posted is all gone and it had a much worse ad. I expect a deluge of emails. (I’m hoping people will quit with the marriage proposals already!) You snooze, you lose! Oh yeah, blockchain, bitcoin, stormy dangles, yada yada. Buy the table.”  • Forrest in Randolph

“Whooee! Forrest, you did us all a favor. I am still laughing. Talk about livening up the culture here on Front Porch Forum!  I would gladly reward your fine on-line behavior by buying your table, but I really don’t need a table. Too bad. But anyway, it must be on its way to new owners this weekend after razzle-dazzle like that.”
• Josie in Randolph Center


Saved from a mountain of marshmallows!

A sweet story to share from the conversations on Front Porch Forum:

“My friend pranked me with bags and bags of marshmallows (don’t ask) but now that the hilarity is over, I have about 20 bags of mini marshmallows. I’m thinking they would be great for making an army of snowmen. Or for the worlds largest cup of cocoa. Or an indoor igloo for the kids? Start your own gingerbread housing development? Or maybe you dreamed of jumping into a pile of marshmallows (I don’t judge). Either way, I’m hoping a kind neighbor will save me from diabetes and take them away soon.”

And FPF neighbors responded!

“Holy roller coasters, Batman! Waterbury loves marshmallows! Thank you all who responded–I had an avalanche of interested folks, so I apologize if I didn’t answer you directly. The marshmallows are re-homed, and my pancreas thanks you for saving me from diabetes.”   • Zarin in Waterbury


Is FPF faster than Amazon Prime?

Front Porch Forum members think so!

“Wondering if anyone has an extra battery cord for a Samsung Galaxy S5 they aren’t using or no longer need? Got left behind and thinking that FPF is faster than Amazon Prime.”   • Judy in Ferrisburgh

“I asked for a reciprocating saw, and got SEVEN replies. By the time I could write back, someone had brought me one.  xoxxxxoxooxooxoxoxoxoxo to FPF.”  • Alex in Montpelier

If you need something quickly, just ask your neighbors!


Dancing flagman brings smiles to cars in traffic

Sharing happy moments on Front Porch Forum makes us all smile!

“Most of us who have been caught in traffic have probably been somewhat frustrated at times. That certainly was not the case on Friday! As I was heading south and before I even needed to brake for traffic, I could see something brilliant yellow moving rhythmically…. a dancing flagman. The closer I got to him, the more animated he became. This young man was having such a fine time and sharing his joy with those of us who were fortunate enough to be driving and yes dancing by.” • Ebeth in Charlotte

Here’s to hoping everyone experiences some joy this weekend!


Attempted apiary break-in

“The suspect was large and brown, with a big nose and quite unkept fingernails. A similar break-in was reported 1/4 mile away at a neighbor’s trash can. The suspect’s given name is believed to be Ursus, but uses many aliases including: “Baloo”, “Paddington”, “Smokey”, and”Yogi.” It is believed that the famous, “Poo” of the Hundred Acre Wood is also the same individual, or may be a cousin. Suspect is not believed to be armed, although citizens should consider the suspect to be potentially dangerous in certain circumstances and take appropriate precaution in the event of an encounter. Citizens should be advised that re-currant attacks are possible, even probable, and should take appropriate steps to protect valuable garbage, honey, and any other potential targets. Happily, appropriate safeguards were followed at the apiary for such an event and the perpetrator was unable to access the valuable honey stores.”   • Steven in Middlesex

Have you had bear sightings in your neighborhood? Let you neighbors know by posting on FPF!


Opera scores and Victrolas snatched up on FPF

“So thrilled that some of my unmarked opera scores in great condition were snapped up so quickly, in one day! I am happy that a young local musician will enjoy them now in her music studies as I did! Front Porch Forum is a great idea.” • Annie-Vera in Stowe

“Wow! Front Porch Forum amazes me. Many many people responded to my Roku posting of this morning – but it’s been spoken for.”
• Lawrence in Montpelier

“I think that it is really COOL that my Fridge has sold. I can now CHILL out that its is soon to be gone. Want to thank all that replied, not to FREEZE anyone out here.”  • Paul in Stowe

“The Victrola Was Instantly Claimed! I love FPF. Thanks to everyone for your interest.”  • Elizabeth in Middlebury

Need some speedy responses to items for sale? Post them on FPF!


Pet Bear in Stowe?

FPF members have had great fun writing witty postings about the possibility!

“To the neighbor with the pet bear: Please keep your bear leashed when going past my house. While I truly appreciate you love your pet bear, he or she has now busted open both of my compost bins. It’s especially sneaky of you to walk him or her just in the nighttime, when our dog door is closed.”  • Emily on June 6

“Of course I walk my pet bear late at night without a leash. Honestly, who leashes a pet bear? Anyways. Please let me know if you see her. I’d be forever grateful to get her back.” • John on June 7

“Going on vacation? Busy work schedule? Is your pet bear getting too large for you to walk on your own? I’m open to late night walks….”  • Steve on June 9

“Now, truth be told, I’m fattening my bear up on berries, greens, and wholesome honey right now. I’m confident that when he goes off for his evening strolls he’s so well fed he’s not bothering with my neighbor’s trash, as if he’d deign to eat trash! And, of course, I don’t want him going for brisk walks, that would defeat the butterball bear I’m looking forward to this fall. • Tamara on June 10

“The bear “stories” make me smile every time I read one! I love imagination….and we have been honored with a lot of that lately! Life is so busy…..it’s refreshing to know that people can slow down long enough to have fun!”
• Nancy on June 11

There are many ways to connect with your neighbors on Front Porch Forum! Have some summer fun 🙂


You know you’re in Vermont when….

Two pounds of cheese is found and reported on Front Porch Forum!

“Did you lose your cheese on Friday or Saturday? Found: one 2-lb block of Cabot cheddar on Main Street Saturday morning. Despite adventuring by the side of the road, the packaging looks intact and the cheese looks good. If you can correctly identify whether it was Sharp, Extra Sharp, or Seriously Sharp, I would be happy to reunite it with you.”
Dana in Montpelier

We see some of the best lost and found stories on FPF!

UPDATE: The owner of the lost cheese was not found… However, it will be shared at the upcoming contra dance for all to share “in a glorious celebration of free neighborly cheese.” #DidYouLoseYourCheese


Runaway winter tire found!

Sometimes the posts we see on Front Porch Forum, bring a chuckle and smile. Here’s yours for today!

In the morning: “While putting away my studded snows, one got away from me and rolled down the street and I can’t find it. If it landed in your yard, please let me know…”

By the afternoon: “Well, my ego and reputation may be a bit bruised, but fortunately nothing else was – thanks to the great help of neighbors and the Montpelier Police who found the lost tire that rolled a remarkable trajectory into another neighborhood. If only I could lose the spare tire around my waistline as easily!!”   • Emily in Montpelier