“The suspect was large and brown, with a big nose and quite unkept fingernails. A similar break-in was reported 1/4 mile away at a neighbor’s trash can. The suspect’s given name is believed to be Ursus, but uses many aliases including: “Baloo”, “Paddington”, “Smokey”, and”Yogi.” It is believed that the famous, “Poo” of the Hundred Acre Wood is also the same individual, or may be a cousin. Suspect is not believed to be armed, although citizens should consider the suspect to be potentially dangerous in certain circumstances and take appropriate precaution in the event of an encounter. Citizens should be advised that re-currant attacks are possible, even probable, and should take appropriate steps to protect valuable garbage, honey, and any other potential targets. Happily, appropriate safeguards were followed at the apiary for such an event and the perpetrator was unable to access the valuable honey stores.” • Steven in Middlesex
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