Category Archives: Stories

Must-read posting about… Free toaster

Posted on Friday, December 4, 2009 by No comments yet

I haven’t laughed this hard in awhile.  From Matt Gang in Burlington’s Old North End tonight on Front Porch Forum

Free toaster

Are you tired of your trust worthy toaster, tirelessly toasting your toast to the desired toastiness? Boring!!!

Are you ready for an adventure? My toaster won’t let you down. You won’t start every morning with loud expletives and a smoked filled kitchen, just enough mornings to keep you constantly paranoid, and your neighbors heavily invested in fire insurance. Yes sir, the folks at Silex Proctor really broke the mold with this one. This toaster doesn’t view it’s temp. dial as an order, more as a suggestion. Sometimes brown means it will burn your bread product to a point that would require dental records for identification. At other times brown means the moment after you exit the kitchen, it will fling the still white bread into the stratosphere. Sometimes brown means that it won’t even accept the toast, preferring to make a loud buzzing noise whenever it’s overly sensitive lever is depressed.

I’m sure that at this point most everyone is just waiting for information on where to pick up this little beauty, but my conscience requires me to unearth a few of it’s less redeeming qualities.

This toaster is possessed by several malignant spirits.
It may be a portal to hell.
It cannot stand bagels, british muffins, or any other bread products come to think of it.
It can shoot flames as far as it can hurl fiery hunks of crust.

Please, please, please, take my toaster. I’m afraid of what will happen if I throw it out. Don’t tell it that I wrote this.

Stove Proceeds go to Neighborhood Forum

Posted on Friday, November 20, 2009 by 1 comment

Jeannette in Huntington posts on FPF today…

Hello Neighbors, We have a seven year old “Frigidaire” brand gas cooking range for sale. White. Excellent condition. Oven takes 1 to 2 hours to heat up to temp. You will need to arrange pick-up. $50…all proceeds from sale will go to Front Porch Forum.

Thanks Jeannette!

Man vs. Coyote

Posted on Thursday, November 12, 2009 by 3 comments

We’ve been swamped with loads of postings on Front Porch Forum recently… about all sorts of topics.  This one Charlotte by Cheryl jumped off the monitor today…

Hi neighbors,  This is my first time posting. I wanted to let you all know that our neighbor’s small spaniel was snatched out of their backyard by a coyote this evening 11/12 about 6:00 pm. The owners were able to recover the pet by chasing the coyote across the fields behind our houses. We are on Mt Philo Rd north of the intersection of Hinesburg Rd. Please be careful of your pets. This is not the first time a coyote has come close to the houses. This one seems quite bold.

UPDATE:  And this just into FPF from Ann in South Williston…

Hi – I saw a coyote walking through Meadowridge yesterday (walking in the street) during the afternoon.  Are there an unusual amount tooling around?  Should we be concerned? I’ve never seen them strolling around neighborhoods before.

Long, cold winter coming to Vermont

Posted on Monday, October 12, 2009 by No comments yet

How do you tell what kind of winter is coming to Vermont?  Check your cat’s coat?  Read the pattern of fall foliage?  Me?  I read Front Porch Forum.  Postings like this one in Huntington today tell me we’re headed for a long, cold one…

A friend of mine, on Texas Hill Road, had his tank of home heating fuel siphoned and stolen. This happened sometime last Thursday night. The state police were notified of the robbery… The tank was recently filled so there was about 275 gals of fuel, therefore a large truck would have been needed to transport the fuel.  The owner heard a sound and the automatic flood lights went on but was unable to see anyone.  If anyone has any information about this please contact the Williston State Police.  It’s a shame that someone would steal fuel from a long-time neighbor of ours. Especially when the fuel was to keep him warm this winter!!

I hope they find the bums!  Bundle up.