Category Archives: Humor

Bears, lasers and shoggoths in Richmond

“As the Richmond town Weigher of Coal, I enthusiastically second the idea of everyone becoming a supporting member of Front Porch Forum (which you can do by clicking right here: http://frontporchforum.com/supporting-members).

“Without Front Porch Forum, how would you have heard about the hungry bears going door to door in an unmarked Suburban ‘raising funds’? Or learned about the opportunities to clean Richmond streets with a giant, overpowered laser? Or heard about the shoggoth getting out? These are all things that in times gone by you’d only have heard about much later, *after* the fact, meaning that once again you’d have missed out on assembling at the town green with torches and rakes and other implements of destruction to go ‘protest’ at the Doctor’s castle. And no one wants to miss out on an opportunity to be part of an angry, frightened mob of villagers. Don’t let that happen to you! Support Front Porch Forum!

• Jay, Richmond FPF

59th Street Bridge Song for Vermont rutted roads

Posted by Barry on the Middlesex Front Porch Forum yesterday…

A ruined Paul Simon “59th Street Bridge song” to sing while driving our rutted roads

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just sliding down the muddy road
Looking for fun, the road is groovy
Ba da da da da da da, the road is groovy
Hello, lamppost, whatcha knowin?
Hope not to hit ya when its snowin
Aintcha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in doo-doo, the road is groovy
Ba da da da da da da, the road is groovy
I got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
Im dappled and drowsy and the road is too steep
Dont let the morning time sic its ice ruts on me
Life, I love you
The road is groovy

He forgot to suggest, Doot-in doo-doo, that we all get good snow tires!
Happy, safe Holidays!

Talking cats?

“Gray and white kitten was picked up by her owner 30 minutes after posting. Until cats start talking, Front Porch Forum is the next best thing.”

Posted by Larry on his Five Sisters FPF today in Burlington.

Why did the bear cross the road in Middlesex?

Posted by Charles on the Middlesex FPF today…

Another bear sighting. This one was a good size and crossed Rt. 100 just north of the recycling center around 9:20 pm on MondayThe answer to the age old question of why did the (insert bear in place of chicken) cross the road seems obvious:
To be mentioned on Front Porch Forum.

Cat that reads

#VT – “We just want to thank everyone who reported sitings of our wayward cat, Zoe. She decided to return early Tuesday morning completely happy, healthy and none-the-worse for her travels after almost three weeks away. Clearly, she reads Front Porch Forum.”

Shared by Jill on the Starksboro FPF today.

New twist on “dog ate my homework”

#VT – Hey neighbors! This is an odd bulletin but I wanted to share with you that after hiking with my dog at the gorge (aka Cady’s Falls swimming hole) yesterday he became ill in the late afternoon. He presented with ataxia (wobbliness), dry nose and then later in the night he lost control of his bladder and was constantly incontinent. I took him to the emergency vet in Burlington only for them to give him a drug test and find he was high as a kite on pot. Thankfully this wasn’t lethal, but after the two hour drive and $150 vet bill it also isn’t as humorous as it may sound. He threw up quite a bit of stems and other debris this morning and he’s still pretty out of it.

The only place he could have come into contact with this was at the gorge and he did indeed do the normal lab thing of digging around, trying to (and I guess successfully) eating things and rolling in who knows what, so I’m supposing he found someone’s lost stash. I’m hoping this is an isolated incident but if you are hiking with your pup out there please keep a very close eye on them.

Shared by Rebecca on her Morristown Front Porch Forum today.