Category Archives: Humor

Garden Produce Overload

Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2023 by No comments yet

It’s easy to get the impression on Front Porch Forum that many Vermonters are hobby gardeners. Members offer produce generously across FPF – it feels like an online farmer’s market this month!

  • “3 dozen free cukes on a table in front of our house on Church St. Help yourself!! Please leave the table!” – Wendy, Bristol
  • “Free Sunflower Heads… I have cut down all of my sunflowers and removed the “heads” if you would like the seeds for your garden next year… or your birds, furry friends… come pick them up!” – Susan, Brandon
  • “Elderberries for the Taking … Hello again! My elderberry tree is at full bloom again and the berries are ripe and ready to be harvested. I can’t use them all so come on by and cut some.” – Jennifer in Grand Isle 
  • “Basil Anyone? … My garden did not provide a lot of food for me this year, but I do have an abundance of basil! I am happy to share. If you would like some, please reach out.” – Joanna, Richmond
  • “Rhubard & Little Green Apples … You’re welcome to take small amounts of rhubarb, green onions, mint, or little green apples (often wormy, if you have a use for them), from sidewalk or tree.” – Dick, Village Green

And this member put it well in a poem… 

Lock the doors
and turn out
the lights.
Pull the shades,
close the blinds
and draw the curtains.
Hide the kids
in the tub,
do not breathe
and be very,
very, quiet.
Up the steps
comes a neighbor
with a brown
paper bag…

Zucchini… By Charlie in Marshfield

If you have garden beds overflowing, consider sharing the love on your FPF!

On another note… This year has been especially challenging for farmers due to the torrential rains and floods of July, plus a severe frost back in May. Many of Vermont’s farms and orchards are suffering crop loss. In the spirit of eating locally, growing food and offering it to your neighbors, please go out and support your local farmers any way you can! 

Bad Robot. Great Neighbors!

Posted on Tuesday, February 21, 2023 by No comments yet

FPF has helped people find their cats, dogs, keys, wallets, and even livestock, but this is a new one. Carol in Burlington writes…

  • “Our little iRobot vacuum cleaner was cleaning off our porch and wandered down the ramp and perhaps down the driveway. It’s a robot vacuum cleaner about 3-4 inches tall and about 12-14 inch diameter. It is grey and black. Now he is MIA. If you saw our little friend please let us know.

and later…

  • Yea, Front Porch Forum is the best! To the person who saw the [post] about our missing vacuum cleaner and showed his friend, who had found it, our previous post – thanks! You both are awesome for returning it to us. Roomba, aka “Creepy,” is now grounded. Bad robot. Great neighbors, however.

Vermont and Its Pigs

Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2022 by No comments yet

There’s a few great things Vermont is known for… If beer, pigs, and good neighbors aren’t near the top of that list, then we don’t know what is! Members in Vermont’s Northeast Kingdom FPFs helped this little pig find its way home.

  • I just saw this pig wandering the highway between Red Barn Brewery and Goodfellas… He seemed bummed.”
  • We have a lost tan and black pig who has settled in at Red Barn Brewing the past day… Email or call with any owner info. Otherwise he seems fine and is hanging around in our beer garden area.
  • “”hanging around the beer garden” – This pig has found his happy place. He may never want to leave. : )

Stay safe out there piglets!

Strange but true FPF tales

Posted on Monday, September 13, 2021 by No comments yet

We’re often pleasantly surprised by the stories, fun and witty moments found on Front Porch Forum. Here’s one to bring a smile to your Monday:

“Did you drop a cheese ball on Berlin St. Friday afternoon? I saw it rolling down the sidewalk too late to get your attention. We have it safe in the fridge, hopefully it wasn’t for tonight’s dinner!” • Ken in Montpelier

“If it weren’t for Front Porch Forum would we even know about the runaway mozzarella ball rolling down Berlin Street, rescued by kind strangers? Good to know these oddball random acts of kindness.” • Kristin in Montpelier

Cultivating community through marshmallows

Posted on Monday, January 13, 2020 by No comments yet

Front Porch Forum members expressed such creativity with our simple contest!  Here are a few more:

“Thanks for all the egg carton drop offs. We should be all set for awhile, but will post again when we run low. The response from neighbors makes my heart turn to marshmallow.” • Susan at Starksboro’s Food Shelf

“Hello, I’ve had a neurological condition that affects my ability to move and use my hands for a long time. I recently also had a spinal cord injury that I’m still in the process of recovering and rehabbing from. I was wondering if anyone knows of a support group locally for people dealing with these issues. The logistical and emotional issues surrounding this are so exhausting that I just want to sink into a large puffy marshmallow sometimes, so any emotional or psychological support groups would be really helpful.”  • Nicholas in Guilford

MARSHMALLOWS here, MARSHMALLOWS there; where e’re my eyes would land.
Reading Front Porch Forum has never seemed too bland.
FPF connected me to one I used to know.
She spoke of kiddos planting MARSHMALLOWS in the snow.

Thank you Front Porch Forum. This has been great fun!  • Wanda in Morrisville

“I live in an apartment with a wonderful pellet stove. Little did I realize that it would be so hard to get the pellets to the stove! Is there anyone out there with a truck, a strong back, and a willingness to help me out? Actually a few people would be great. The 50 40 lb bags of pellets need to be carried across the yard and up the stairs. All who help are welcome to hot chocolate with marshmallows and homemade cookies after. We can sit around the fire in the pellet stove and enjoy each others company.” • Victoria in Brattleboro

“Mom was done with her assisted living apartment (by way of moving into a Pearly Gates community) and we needed to clean out her refrigerator along with everything else. There was a little of this and a little of that, often repackaged, as was her way. But not the bag of Mini-Marshmallows. Nope, they were still sealed up. I like a fresh, soft marshmallow as much as the next guy. It’s just that, well, these were more like the hard mints you grab on the way out of a restaurant. Lethal weapons as ammo in a blowgun. Even a gecko wouldn’t have been able to toast them. Ma, I’m going to miss you and all those little idiosyncrasies that were so entertaining.” Ron in Alburgh

“If you have any spare marshmallows, please let me know. Seriously, what’s more fun than getting to know your neighbors, through community events, bartering, lending a helping hand, from your actual front porch or, more easily in winter weather, on Front Porch Forum?”  • Thomas in Windsor

 

Blockchain, bitcoin, stormy dangles, yada yada

Posted on Tuesday, July 24, 2018 by No comments yet

Everyday items are bought and sold on FPF.  Some of our members do it with humor:

“I have a table. I have run out of places to put it. You need a table. Or maybe you would if you got rid of that piece of crap you are using for one now and took mine! Plywood and blocks are OK for a college student, but at your age, you should move up to real wood. Old wood. Wood made before Hawaii was a state. Before plastics were invented. Wood. Oak, in fact. Such oaky goodness like you never see anymore. The kind that will make you want to wake up in the morning just to go sit in front of it, but please, use a coaster? I am dropping the price. I will deliver it. And I’ll carry off your plywood and cinderblock thing. Email me, but be fast. The last stuff I posted is all gone and it had a much worse ad. I expect a deluge of emails. (I’m hoping people will quit with the marriage proposals already!) You snooze, you lose! Oh yeah, blockchain, bitcoin, stormy dangles, yada yada. Buy the table.”  • Forrest in Randolph

“Whooee! Forrest, you did us all a favor. I am still laughing. Talk about livening up the culture here on Front Porch Forum!  I would gladly reward your fine on-line behavior by buying your table, but I really don’t need a table. Too bad. But anyway, it must be on its way to new owners this weekend after razzle-dazzle like that.”
• Josie in Randolph Center

Saved from a mountain of marshmallows!

Posted on Thursday, December 14, 2017 by No comments yet

A sweet story to share from the conversations on Front Porch Forum:

“My friend pranked me with bags and bags of marshmallows (don’t ask) but now that the hilarity is over, I have about 20 bags of mini marshmallows. I’m thinking they would be great for making an army of snowmen. Or for the worlds largest cup of cocoa. Or an indoor igloo for the kids? Start your own gingerbread housing development? Or maybe you dreamed of jumping into a pile of marshmallows (I don’t judge). Either way, I’m hoping a kind neighbor will save me from diabetes and take them away soon.”

And FPF neighbors responded!

“Holy roller coasters, Batman! Waterbury loves marshmallows! Thank you all who responded–I had an avalanche of interested folks, so I apologize if I didn’t answer you directly. The marshmallows are re-homed, and my pancreas thanks you for saving me from diabetes.”   • Zarin in Waterbury

Is FPF faster than Amazon Prime?

Posted on Tuesday, November 21, 2017 by No comments yet

Front Porch Forum members think so!

“Wondering if anyone has an extra battery cord for a Samsung Galaxy S5 they aren’t using or no longer need? Got left behind and thinking that FPF is faster than Amazon Prime.”   • Judy in Ferrisburgh

“I asked for a reciprocating saw, and got SEVEN replies. By the time I could write back, someone had brought me one.  xoxxxxoxooxooxoxoxoxoxo to FPF.”  • Alex in Montpelier

If you need something quickly, just ask your neighbors!

Dancing flagman brings smiles to cars in traffic

Posted on Friday, October 20, 2017 by No comments yet

Sharing happy moments on Front Porch Forum makes us all smile!

“Most of us who have been caught in traffic have probably been somewhat frustrated at times. That certainly was not the case on Friday! As I was heading south and before I even needed to brake for traffic, I could see something brilliant yellow moving rhythmically. a dancing flagman. The closer I got to him, the more animated he became. This young man was having such a fine time and sharing his joy with those of us who were fortunate enough to be driving and yes dancing by.” • Ebeth in Charlotte

Here’s to hoping everyone experiences some joy this weekend!

Attempted apiary break-in

Posted on Tuesday, August 8, 2017 by No comments yet

“The suspect was large and brown, with a big nose and quite unkept fingernails. A similar break-in was reported 1/4 mile away at a neighbor’s trash can. The suspect’s given name is believed to be Ursus, but uses many aliases including: “Baloo”, “Paddington”, “Smokey”, and”Yogi.” It is believed that the famous, “Poo” of the Hundred Acre Wood is also the same individual, or may be a cousin. Suspect is not believed to be armed, although citizens should consider the suspect to be potentially dangerous in certain circumstances and take appropriate precaution in the event of an encounter. Citizens should be advised that re-currant attacks are possible, even probable, and should take appropriate steps to protect valuable garbage, honey, and any other potential targets. Happily, appropriate safeguards were followed at the apiary for such an event and the perpetrator was unable to access the valuable honey stores.”   • Steven in Middlesex

Have you had bear sightings in your neighborhood? Let you neighbors know by posting on FPF!