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Category Archives: Humor

Tip from neighbor and two-hour chase brings ducks on the lam home to Huntington

“Thanks to everyone who emailed me about our four missing ducks. A tip from one of you brought us to the pond/pine tree where they were hanging out. After a couple of long hours chasing them around looking like a bunch of idiots, they are back home (with their wings clipped). Thanks, neighbors!”
• Amanda, Huntington FPF

Quack!  Missing an animal or pet of any kind?  Ask neighbors for tips on Front Porch Forum.


Real-life Grinch steals lighted Christmas tree in Waterbury

“We had a small, artificial tree that we put in our front yard each year as part of our Christmas lighting. Someone (had to be a Grinch) stole it and the 300 lights and nearly ruined the extension cord hitched to it. I hope it was someone who couldn’t afford it and just wanted some trim for their kids to enjoy. My fear is that the fact may be way different. Anyway, it is gone and I just wanted people to know that their outdoor trim may not be all that secure. We are ready for unforeseen possibilities.”
• Gloria, Waterbury Front Porch Forum


iPhone rescued from Stowe toilet

“Yup! Cap dropped his iPhone in the toilet today so what do you do? … Post on Front Porch Forum to beg, borrow or steal an iPhone 4 or 5 from anyone who might have one hanging around! Thanks.”
• Ginny, Stowe FPF

“Thanks to all who suggested the rice method of drying out an iPhone. Special thanks to Jenny Lawson from BunyaBunya who gave me a plastic bag full of those little Silica gel desiccant packets. I added some rice too and…. Voila… it is working this morning!”
•Ginny, Stowe FPF, next day


What’s your reason for learning accordion?

“I want to learn to play the accordion for all the usual reasons. (Tired of letting the family bagpiper get all the attention. Daughter doesn’t have any reason to roll her eyes at me. Will need new occupation following post-election relocation.) If you are, or know of, an accordion teacher, please contact me.”
• Erica, Shelburne Front Porch Forum


Bears, lasers and shoggoths in Richmond

“As the Richmond town Weigher of Coal, I enthusiastically second the idea of everyone becoming a supporting member of Front Porch Forum (which you can do by clicking right here: http://frontporchforum.com/supporting-members).

“Without Front Porch Forum, how would you have heard about the hungry bears going door to door in an unmarked Suburban ‘raising funds’? Or learned about the opportunities to clean Richmond streets with a giant, overpowered laser? Or heard about the shoggoth getting out? These are all things that in times gone by you’d only have heard about much later, *after* the fact, meaning that once again you’d have missed out on assembling at the town green with torches and rakes and other implements of destruction to go ‘protest’ at the Doctor’s castle. And no one wants to miss out on an opportunity to be part of an angry, frightened mob of villagers. Don’t let that happen to you! Support Front Porch Forum!

• Jay, Richmond FPF




59th Street Bridge Song for Vermont rutted roads

Posted by Barry on the Middlesex Front Porch Forum yesterday…

A ruined Paul Simon “59th Street Bridge song” to sing while driving our rutted roads

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just sliding down the muddy road
Looking for fun, the road is groovy
Ba da da da da da da, the road is groovy
Hello, lamppost, whatcha knowin?
Hope not to hit ya when its snowin
Aintcha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in doo-doo, the road is groovy
Ba da da da da da da, the road is groovy
I got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
Im dappled and drowsy and the road is too steep
Dont let the morning time sic its ice ruts on me
Life, I love you
The road is groovy

He forgot to suggest, Doot-in doo-doo, that we all get good snow tires!
Happy, safe Holidays!


Talking cats?

“Gray and white kitten was picked up by her owner 30 minutes after posting. Until cats start talking, Front Porch Forum is the next best thing.”

Posted by Larry on his Five Sisters FPF today in Burlington.


Why did the bear cross the road in Middlesex?

Posted by Charles on the Middlesex FPF today…

Another bear sighting. This one was a good size and crossed Rt. 100 just north of the recycling center around 9:20 pm on MondayThe answer to the age old question of why did the (insert bear in place of chicken) cross the road seems obvious:
To be mentioned on Front Porch Forum.